I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
