K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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