We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
