"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
