Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Randomize
