i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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