My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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