I have demons in me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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