Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
