Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
