I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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