Whod you bang
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
