If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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