i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
