everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
