she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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