We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
