we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I deserve this hangover.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
