If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
