Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
