My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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