he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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