You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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