C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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