I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
