So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
