Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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