Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
