I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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