Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
