i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The adults are the big ones right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
