I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
