Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
