i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
