i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
