I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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