I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
