I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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