you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
