you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
