I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
