I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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