Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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