But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
