I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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