this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
