Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
