THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
