My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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