someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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