You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
