What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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