I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
