He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
