I need to stop coming to work sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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